Approach with Caution: Wild Animals
by MiLa63
Summary: Animology (from Kim Possible Show) hits Lima and spreads like wildfire. A personality test that shows soulmates and provides a conflicting type wrecks stable relationships and inspires new ones. Just a shot look into what it might look like. Puckleberry. With a few other odd pairings.
Disclaimer: I do not own Glee or the Kim Possible created "Animology", from the episode Animal Attraction.

Prompt by OneGirlRevolution22 on forum topic/68082/77768552/1/AnimoloGlee.

Basically, the prompt is to have animology (cross between astrology and personality quiz) from Kim Possible show spread to Lima, Carmel, and Warblers. Unfortunately, I couldn't NOT do some canon couples, just because of how their personalities came out from my guess at their animology. I couldn't get everything in because I really just thought of this as a one-shot. Set during/before Comeback. Also, Finn is really OOC bc I wanted him to try to get together with Rachel again.

Let me know if you enjoyed it!

* * *

"Periwinkle?" Puck looked in disbelief at the person facing him. "PERIWINKLE?! The PUCKZILLA ain't no PERIWINKLE COW!" Pushing his conversation partner, Puck tried to stomp around him. "Finn, just let it go!"

His best friend gave him the wide begging eyes of a puppy dog. "Puck, its cool, look! It gives you a soulmate!" he said, holding up the green magazine with the various colored animals on the cover.

Puck rolled his eyes. "I. Do. Not. Care. I took the stupid test, like you asked, and I'm done. Best Friend duty is over." Shoving the colorful pages away, Puck broke away from Finn.

Finn called out to the young man down the locker-lined hallway, "You just need to find an Orange Snake!"

Puck rolled his eyes as he continued to walk away. The snippets of other students' conversation reached his ears.

"I'm a Tawny Mouse!"

"Me Too!"

"I'm a red weasel, so that means we can't be together anymore, you blue baboon."

"I'm not a Maroon Panda!"

Puck almost laughed out loud at the sight of Mr. Shu, nose stuck in the now commonly seen green pages.

"Mr. Shu, not you too!"

The beloved teacher startled, looked up and saw the young delinquent. "Oh, Puck, well," he took a deep breath, unconsciously glancing in the direction of Ms. Pilsberry's glass office.

Puck dramatically rolled his eyes once more. "For a chick? Seriously?"

Mr. Shu coughed into his baled up fist. Taking Puck by the shoulder he spoke in a quieter voice. "Puck, when a woman hears that someone is her soulmate, it matters. She connects that word to a lot of different things, Puck. Like the future, and the present. She doesn't want to waste her time with someone who isn't her soulmate." Patting Puck on the back, he concluded with, "So take notice. Cause you never know who she would consider if she hears that person is her soulmate."

Puck almost rolled his eyes again, but the sight of a tiny brunette with knee-high socks caught his eye. She had been constantly catching his eye ever since they dated last year. However, he had to hold his breath. Zizes was his woman now, and after the Valentines day bliss, things were getting rocky again.

Puck swallowed down any other thoughts but that of the wrestling champ who would strangle his balls if she caught him looking or thinking about another chick.

As the day wore on, more and more of Puck's classmates broke up, declared enemies, and began new relationships than ever before in high school. Which, after Valentines day, was quite a feat.

Nerves began to creep upon Puck at Mr. Shu's mention that Lauren would doubt their relationship so much as to break up with him. Sitting in his last class before glee, Puck blocked out the passing of numerous notes to and from potential soulmates/couples and tried to steady his shaking leg.

The first moment after entering the choir room was absolute chaos.

"I can't help it!" Kurt screeched to Mercedes, who was attacking him. "I'm a green puppy, and he's a fuchsia possum! You can't keep us soulmates apart!"

Mercedes scoffed. "He's a warbler, Kurt! You can't do that!"

Kurt rolled his eyes dramatically. "And what about you, miss Yellow trout! I know for a fact that Jesse St. James is a blue fox! He's YOUR soulmate and he's evil! And the lead of Vocal Adrenaline!"

The two diva's back and forth occupied one side of the piano. On the other side, Artie, Sam, and Quinn were having a different type of argument.

With tears in her eyes, Quinn faced Sam, "I'm so sorry Sam! I.. I can't help it if Artie is a Beige Raccoon!"

Sam kept shaking his head, back and forth. "No. Maybe I could be a Beige Raccoon, too, Quinn! You are definitely a Teal Cat, I mean you are swift, soft-hearted and cruel by doing this to me!"

Quinn nodded. "I know. I know I am. Artie, he's nice, friendly, smart, and sarcastic." She stated, reading from the booklet. "He's my soulmate, Sam."

Sam tried to argue, "I'm those things too!"

Quinn held her hand over her mouth. "I'm sorry, Sam. But the test is right. You are a Magenta Squirrel. You are good company, and always in a good mood. It fits you to a t."

Artie attempted to interject, but Sam cut him off. "No, I won't accept this!" Sam left in a storm-off that would rival Puck's Jewish-American princess.

Puck, confused by Artie's sudden acceptance, asked him, "Hey, dude, what about Brit?"

Artie just pointed up to the chairs. When he looked up, he saw Brittany and Santana entwined in a way that reminded Puck of a fantasy in his spank bank.

"Satan?!" Puck accused.

"Ochre and Grey Dolphin," Santana pointed to her new girlfriend, "and Bronze Goat," she pointed to herself. Giving Puck an intense, I-will-cut-you stare, she said, "And no, I don't like the goat part, but hey. My bestie is my soulmate. So, not a word."

Puck rolled his eyes. "I just can't believe you believe in this crap."

He heard a gasp from behind him. "Noah!" Guilt immediately flooded his insides. "Language," his petite brunette sated, walking around him to sit in the choir chair in the first row.

Puck scoffed at her prim attitude. "Whatever. Hey," he said, sliding into the seat next to her. "Where's the Golden Lion?" he asked rolling his eyes at the ludicrous nature of the fad.

Rachel scoffed as he had just a moment ago. "Honestly, Noah. This whole colored animals trend will die down soon enough. No reason to get so caught up in it like the others," she gestured to the still fighting, or loving, couples.

Puck nudged her shoulder. "So, what are you?"

Rachel shook her head negatively. "I refuse to participate in something that will be far too much a distraction at this point in time. Plus, Finn and I aren't even together at this point," she said, picking at her short black skirt.

Puck shrugged. "Well, it could help you get together. I mean if you are his... wait. I don't know what's supposed to be with a Golden Lion."

"White Tiger!" Kurt called from his spot, still in a face-off with Mercedes.

"Ooook," Puck said slowly, really irritated at this point.

Lauren Zizes entered the choir room, at that point. "What?" The entire room fell silent.

Mercedes took the mantle. "Lauren, are you a," she coughed slightly, "White Tiger?"

Lauren shrugged, fixing her glasses. "Yeah, so?"

Puck blanched.

She turned to him, where he sat still, frozen. "You a Golden Lion, or what?" She stated hesitantly, taking in everyone's stares.

Puck swallowed, nervous at the potential outburst form his girl. "Uhh.. actually, no." Grimacing in his mind at his actual color and animal, he realized he needed to say no more than that.

Lauren rolled her eyes at his obvious fear, and moved to sit in the last row. "Whatevs."

Puck sighed relieved.

Rachel sent him a small grin. "See, you were worried for nothing."

Puck blinked, confused at how she knew he was nervous.

The next moment Mr. Shu entered, a wide grin on his face. "Ok, everyone. I know the schools have become crazed with animology, but I just want to remind everyone that this is a safe area, where we are just singers and dancers. No Pink Pandas or Turquoise Dogs, ok?"

Kurt, cleared his throat as he sat, "It's Maroon Panda, actually."

Puck saw the blissed out reaction of his teacher. "She's the one you wanted, isn't she?" He called out smugly.

Mr. Shu grinned wider. Sighing, he said, "Yup. She's an Indigo Beaver, and I found I'm a Lavender Cheetah. Really takes a load off, I'll tell ya'."

Finn rushed through the doors, green book in hand. "Rach, here, I found an abandoned book in the library. Now you can do the test!"

Despite their failed relationship, it seemed the lanky teen still expected them to be soulmates after all.

Rachel smiled slightly, and received the flimsy test.

* * *

Throughout the next day, Puck saw the young girl intensely focused on answering the numerous questions.

If he was walking close enough, he could hear her mumble, "If I go the movies and the movie I want isn't playing, I will..." or "A mysterious stranger walks up and says my name, I decide to..."

He wanted to laugh in amusement at how focused she was on finishing the stupid test. It sobered him to remember that only with Finn's prompting did she decide to take the test.

Shaking that off, he walked to his locker. Lauren was leaning against his, exuding badassness.

"Puckerman. I thought about it. And I wanna try."

Confused, Puck continued to open his locker. "Huh?"

"I want to try with my soulmate." Puck's eyes grew wide at the word.

He scoffed, critically eyeing his girlfriend. "Are you serious? Its just a lame personality test."

"I know, but, if Finn's my soulmate, I want to try." Looking at her again, Puck remembered how Lauren was really a girl. Underneath the tough and confident exterior, she was sensitive. Puck learned his lesson.

Nodding solemnly, Puck let her go. "Ok, try. Fine. But don't expect me to just take you back if you and your soulmate don't work out."

Puck shook his head as she strutted away from him. Finn and Lauren! What was next!?

Rachel rushed to his locker. Surprised, Puck almost dropped his books.

"Noah! I need your help! I know you and Finn have been talking about who is what in terms of the theories of animology. Since I was able to receive a book yesterday, I decided to broaden my intrapersonal knowledge by attempting the test. However, I realized that-"

Puck put a finger on her plump lips. "What?"

Rachel huffed against his finger. He let it slip deliciously down her berry glossed lips. "I realized that I am an Orange Snake, Noah."

Puck's heart beat wildly. He was close enough to her that he could feel her heat and smell her natural jasmine scent.

"I need to know who is a Periwinkle Cow."

Hearing the color and animal from his lips was the only time being a periwinkle cow brought him joy. "Uhhh."

"Noah!" She stomped her foot. "I know that I am," she turned to the magazine in her hand, "Cunning and boastful, love to be the best, and work hard enough for my goals. And I need to find the one who is lazy, but content with the simple life. He is helpful, but pretends not to be." She paused, squinting at his face. "Why would anyone be helpful, but pretend not to be? That defeats the whole purpose, doesn't it?"

Puck forced himself to take a deep breath.

Puck was single. Rachel was single.

Puck was hot. Rachel was hot.

They were soulmates, apparently. It should be simple.

However, looking into her deep chocolate eyes, Puck realized that being with Rachel, for real, would be hard and complex. Especially, once this crazy fad wore out.

Puck couldn't stop his eyes from traveling down to her pouting and confused face. He was enraptured, by her beauty, her complexity, her demands, her drive, her everything.

"Me," he whispered, in a daze.

"What?" Rachel almost whispered back.

"Me, I'm a periwinkle cow."

Light beamed from the young actress's eyes. "Oh, Noah, I'm so glad! I was hoping-"

He cut her off with a kiss. It was enough that she was happy.

He was ready to devote the rest of his life to make her happy.


End file.
